I am reading your messages to me over and over. I still am in fight
or flight mode, backache, chest hurting, heart pounding. As I look
back to my appointment, I am remembering something the doc said, when
he looked at the visual field result. He said "Your right eye is
normal. The left eye...is from the glaucoma." I could see a slight
darkened area on the field but he did not show it to me. When I took
the test, I know there had to be 2 tests that came out the same,
which they did in sequence. In the middle of the test, I heard a beep
and thought the test was over. I kind of zoned out my vision, removed
my chin slightly from the chin rest, looked down very slightly, and
stared into space, thinking the test was over. I began to wonder why
the technician did not take off the patch, then refocused on the
screen, saw a green light, and resumed the test. I told her afterward
I had stopped for a minute, and she said "You did fine." Now I am
wondering if that could have messed up the results. This is the scary
thing as I reflect back. When I was 50-52 years old, I had a routine
pressure check, and my pressures were normal, around 15. When I look
back at those records, there is no hint of anything abnormal. When I
was 54, my high pressures were diagnosed at around 21. At that time,
my left nerve looked a little funny. The optha gave me a field test
which she said looked scary, but it was with a 10-year-old glasses
prescription, and I could not see. I know that one was not valid. I
got to a specialist within a couple of months after the initial high
reading. The pressures had gone up to 22 and 24. The field tests I
believe were okay. The doc said my funny-looking left nerve was
probably from my severe myopia in that eye, that it was too soon for
damage and vision loss. My left eye was also the one with the
slightly lower pressures. Xalatan took the pressures down to 15 and
17, plus I was also riding my bike 12 miles a day and walking 2
(though my doc says exercise doesn't matter). That was seven months
ago. Now (age 56) after a month the pressures have moved from 19 up
to 24 again with xalatan (I now am not exercising much). And now the
comment about "The left eye is from the glaucoma." Then he looked at
another paper and said either "all right" or "it's all right". At the
time I was not wanting to hear that I had vision damage so I didn't
ask more. Now I am thinking if my left eye has gone from normal
pressure pre-diagnosis to having a suspicious-looking nerve in two
years, and some slight vision loss in 4 years, that is a sign my
glaucoma is going to be very aggressive. That is why I am really
panicky right now. I am also wondering if your docs show you the
results of the visual field and optic nerve tests, or share more
information with you. When my doc told me I could have either laser
or another drop, he didn't offer any pros or cons, side effects, or
tell me anything about either treatment. When he said I might have to
have surgery, he referred to it as making a slit. That is all the
information I got, and when I asked for more I got one-word answers.
Is this typical? The optha who referred me to him said there was no
one else she would refer me to. Others I've heard say he is supposed
to be the best in town. I have also read articles that say in Europe
it is common to do surgery first and a couple of studies that say
this may be more effective in the long run. I can see that I am
really going to need to be my own advocate here. And I have learned
all I can and taken my drops religiously. What do you think? And are
you ever able to get past the fear to get out and enjoy life again?
Right now everything I do has a huge black cloud hovering over it.